Category: Thoughts

Guilt, Shame, and Speaking Truth to One Another

A few months ago, I had the opportunity to meet Wm Paul Young, author of The Shack.  One of the things he shared with our group really resonated with me because it articulated what I have been trying to say through this blog since day one.  Mr. Young said, “Guilt is I have done something wrong, shame is I am something wrong.”

The first line of his quote is the biblical view of sin.  We are guilty because we have done something wrong.  But to our detriment, the authority figures in our lives often see our sin and make clear to us that “we are something wrong.”  This second line, the shame, is not the biblical view of who we are in Christ.  And the distinction between guilt and shame has tremendous implications for living the Christian life.

When you embraced the gospel message of Jesus Christ, you were infused with the righteousness of Christ (II Cor 5:21).  And this infusion is not only to justify us; put us in right standing with God, but also to sanctify us; empower us to live the Christian life.  You now have the power of Christ living in you by the person of the Holy Spirit and your birthright is to experience victory over sin.

But in this life, that victory is not 100%.  Believers still sin.  And when we do, we have an advocate, Jesus Christ, who intercedes with forgiveness (I Jn 2:1).  And although we believe this with our intellect – the facts about Jesus, our advocate, and forgiveness – we often set them aside in practice and treat people as if their sin is in fact who they really are.  Remember, guilt is I have done something wrong, shame is I am something wrong.

In our speech with one another, have we fallen into the trap of shame-based accusation?  In our Bible teaching, do we lecture folks as if they are something wrong rather than having done something wrong?  If you think about it, there is a lot of Bible teaching today that is shame-based.  And it starts with the use of the word “sinners” applied to believers.  The use of that word skips over the biblical idea that we are guilty because we have done something wrong and goes straight to the unbiblical position that you are guilty because you are something wrong.  You sin because sinner is who you are.  This is not the message of the New Testament.  This is not the truth of Scripture.

Did you know that nowhere in the New Testament are believers referred to as “sinners”?  Think about the verses you know that use that term.  One of the most famous is, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners (a reference to life before Christ), Christ died for us” (Rom 5:8).  And so it goes throughout the New Testament.

The only place that even comes close to calling us sinners is I Timothy chapter one.  Here the apostle Paul writes “It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners (again a reference to the lost), among whom I am foremost of all” (I Tim 1:15).  The present tense “I am” is often interpreted to suggest that Paul currently sees himself as “foremost of sinners”.

But when we read and understand the context, this is clearly not the case.  Paul is saying that Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners; of which I, Paul, am exhibit A.  I was the worst.  Just a few verses above, Paul introduced this passage with a summary of why he considered himself exhibit A.  “I was formerly a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent aggressor” (I Tim 1:13).  Notice the use of the word “formerly”.  Paul’s chief of sinners reference is a reference to his past, not his present condition.  Paul is essentially saying that because this is what Christ does – rescue sinners – he did it for even me, the worst on the list.  And not only did he rescue me, but He went so far as to now place me, a former #1 sinner, into service (I Tim 1:12).  (See this Chief of Sinners post for a more thorough verse-by-verse interpretation.)

Please, please, please hear me on this.  This is gospel truth.  You are not a sinner in the biblical use of the word.  You are a saint.  Do believers sin?  Yes, we do.  We still struggle with our enemies of the world, the flesh, and the devil.  And when we sin, we are truly guilty.  But the New Testament makes a clear and very important distinction between guilt and identity.  Our guilt has been taken care of at the cross, and our identity is that sin is no longer our default mode.  Sin does not define who we are.  Sinner is not our identity.  We are the children of God with the seed of God living inside (I Jn 3:9).  And God’s seed – this is who you are – are not identified in this way.

An example of how important this guilt vs shame distinction is can be seen in our parenting experience.  When we discipline our children, we want to make clear that they have done something wrong.  We want to clearly explain what they are guilty of.  But we also go to great pains to help our children understand that this mistake is not their identity.  We never want to imply, “You are something wrong”.  If we do, it places our child in a “condemned” status that is unhealthy and can be difficult to repair.  And the same thing happens to believers that are constantly told they are something wrong.

Not only is it wrong and demeaning to say to a child “You are something wrong”, but we also know that children live into the expectations we put on them.  And the Christian life is the same.  As we grow in the path of sanctification, we can choose to live into the righteous expectations that the New Testament describes as our true identity.  And we can learn to reject and not live into the sinner description that is often held over our heads.

I think that this is one of the reasons why so many folks are disillusioned with the Christian church’s message.  I am not sure they would put it in these exact words.  But I have heard enough of their stories to conclude that they are tired of shame-based teaching.  They are tired of being told they are bad people.  They are tired of being told that the mistakes they make are the inevitable result of who they really are as sinners.  And the sad thing is that this tired message of shame is not the biblical view of who we are in Christ.  God’s intention is for us to walk in truth.

This shame emphasis is not only detrimental to believers, but casts a pall on our message to the outside world.  Who wants to sign up for a message of shame?  But shame is not what Christ offers.  Jesus Christ is calling out to a lost world with a beautiful offer of love, acceptance, and forgiveness.  Christ offers a life set free from guilt and shame and the overwhelming power of sin.  Does this mean we are watering down the message in any way?  No, we preach faith in Christ as the only way.  But it is a beautiful way, a hopeful path forward that calls the lost to repentance and freedom in Christ.

Paul’s Prayer

Paul’s prayer for the church at Colossae is one that I have prayed many times for our spiritual and physical children.  “For this reason also, since the day we heard of it [your embrace of the gospel], we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding” (Col 1:9).

There are few things in life more comforting to a Christ-follower than to know God’s will; to know His heart, His mind, His plan, His purpose, His specific direction for you and your family.  There is a peace in hearing God’s voice.  There is a confidence when we see the path ahead and step out in faith to follow it.  And because God is a loving father, we can know his voice.  His plan is not to keep us in the dark.

The reason God wants us to understand His will is, “so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord…” (and what does that walk look like?) “…to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God” (vs 10).  This is a picture of a worthy walk.  This verse led us to very specific questions at our house about how does this activity lead us to pleasing God, bearing fruit, or increasing in knowledge.

We also recognize that the power to “please God, bear fruit, and increase in knowledge” does not come from us; does not rely on our own willpower.  “Strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience” (vs 11).  It is God who supplies the power.  By virtue of Him living His life through us, we have the power to be steadfast and patient, and a hundred more wonderful attributes of Christ that are to be seen in us.  We can do this because it is Christ living His righteous life through us.

“Joyously giving thanks to the Father” (vs 12).  As we grow in pleasing God, bearing fruit, increasing in knowledge, practicing patience, we should always thank the Lord for the progress we make.  Humility is not thinking we are making no progress in the spiritual life.  Humility is thanking God and giving Him the credit for our progress.

“Giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in light” (vs 12).  Our inheritance is not only something we receive in the future.  Today, in the very place you are standing, you have already inherited the righteousness of Christ.  If you are a believer, you already possess the ability to please God, bear fruit, and increase in knowledge.  There is nothing you are waiting on.

How can I say that with such confidence?  Look again at verse 12.  It is God Himself who “qualifies us”.  He is the One who granted us our degree.  We have our papers.  We have our certificate of completion.  We are complete in Christ.  My prayer for you is to experience all that God has not only promised, but has already provided to live the supernatural Christian life.

My prayer for you is, “that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints” (Col 1:9-12).

Colossians Overview – The Journey So Far

Over the past several weeks, we have been working our way through the book of Colossians.  We started in chapter 2 with Paul’s exhortation to not be carried away by deceptive teaching.  One of the deceptions that Paul identifies is the threat of legalism; thinking the fuel that drives the Christian life comes from an adherence to rules.  Paul calls this “self-made religion” (Col 2:23) and goes so far as to say that these rules “are of no value against fleshly indulgence” – the very thing we want to stamp out.

So how do we attack “fleshly indulgence”?  How do we fuel the supernatural Christian life?  In Colossians chapter 3, the apostle explains that the power to live the life is found in living into all that we have become in Christ; all that became new when we embraced the gospel message.  It is living into the attributes of Christ that we now possess by the presence of His indwelling Spirit.  We are to “mortify the flesh”, as the old King James says in Colossians 3:5, because we can.  We have the righteousness of Christ inside, moving us forward.

Paul describes living out this righteousness of Christ as us “putting on” the attributes of Christ; compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and above all others, love.  The rest of chapter 3 and the beginning of chapter 4 shows us what “putting on Christ” looks like in our relationships; husband/wife, parent/child, worker/employee, and in our connection with those outside the faith.

With that short review, let’s now circle around to Colossians chapter 1 and look at the foundation for all we have studied so far.  Paul introduces us to the church in Colossae as a maturing church when measured by the true measuring stick of the strength of their faith, hope, and love.

“We give thanks to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, praying always for you, since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and the love which you have for all the saints; because of the hope laid up for you in heaven…The gospel has come to you, and it is constantly bearing fruit and increasing in you – just as in all the world also – since the day you heard of it and understood the grace of God in truth” (Col 1:3-6).

This church is “constantly bearing fruit and increasing” on the strength of their faith, hope, and love.  Faith is such an important foundation on which to build the Christian life.  Not only is faith a requirement to start the Christian life – “For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus” (Gal 3:26) – but it is the foundation for all that follows.

For example, the level of your hope is commensurate with your faith in God’s promise.  There is a direct link between, “Do you truly believe the promises of God?” and the steadfastness of your hope.  Where faith in what God has said is the rock on which we stand, hope flourishes.

To love as Christ loves works the same way.  My ability to love, because it is not just based on feelings, is directly related to my faith.  God has promised you and me a new identity with a new power to love as Christ loves.  If we believe that, we can practice that kind of love because God has promised that we have the ability planted in us to do so and He in fact expects us to do it (see I John chapter 4).  Our ability to love rests on the strength of our faith.

Of course, Satan always comes along and seeks to gum up the works.  “Did God really say that as a child of God you carry love as your essence; that is, you have the desire, the propensity, the power to love as God loves?”  The answer is a resounding YES, God really did say that.  But Satan keeps at us, “When you look in the mirror, is that child of God really who you see, or are there some serious shortcomings in your ability to love?”  Do not listen to Satan’s accusations.  Yes, we have the old man to put aside as we grow in faith, hope, and love.  But the raw materials are in there.  You can do it!

God has given us all we need to be strong in faith, steadfast in hope, and diligent in loving the saints.  May this be the picture of not only a maturing church, but of us as growing believers as well.

Seasoned with Grace

“Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity.  Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person” (Col 4:5-6).

One of the balancing acts we perform as believers is speaking the truth with love, speaking the truth with grace, speaking the truth with a winsome voice.  When our demeanor is angry, pushy, or condescending, our opportunity for influence is greatly diminished.

In our hyper-speed social media world, it is easy to fire off rants that demonize the other side on any issue of the day.  But is that where our influence is most effective?  For example, if 70% of non-church goers typically vote Democratic (2012 exit polls), does it really make sense to call out Democrats and the folks who voted for them as stupid?  Does that draw the unchurched into your circle of influence?  Is that speaking with a winsome voice?

I found during our parenting years that we have the greatest influence in the lives of our kids when we develop a relationship with them.  Influence that lasts does not come from a tight focus on rules, exercise of authority, or stoic distance.  It comes from connection.

It works the same in the world at large.  We will have zero influence with people that we have made our enemies.  In fact, it is important to remember that those we disagree with – specifically those outside of Christ – are not the real enemies.  They are only prisoners of the true Enemy, as we once were.  And we are more likely to draw them to Christ when we befriend, rather than alienate them.

I understand the angst we feel as we see a culture of hedonism wreak havoc on our public morals.  I am convinced, as many of you are, that our family dysfunction, failing schools, and so many other social ills that are getting worse in this country are a direct connection to our abandoning religion in the public square.  It is natural to want to find a forum to lash out at this insanity.

But just when we think our culture is the worst ever, we need to reflect on life for the first century believers, our brothers and sisters in the faith.  They found themselves in a woefully evil society.  But rather than calling out sinners for living into who they were, they offered something better to the lost around them.  They offered something different.  They appealed to their circle of influence to consider something new and life-changing.  That something different is a someone – Jesus Christ.

Our ministry is not one of confrontation.  Ours is a ministry of reconciliation, a ministry of rescue of those held captive by Satan.  And our chance for rescue goes up when our conduct toward the lost is, in the example and teaching of the apostle Paul, gracious and winsome.

Devoted to Prayer – My Personal Experience

“Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving; praying at all times for us as well, that God will open up to us a door for the word, so that we may speak forth the mystery of Christ, for which I have also been imprisoned; that I may make it clear in the way I ought to speak” (Col 4:2-4).

Last year, I had an opportunity to visit the Caribbean land of coffee and cigars.  We were invited to the island to support the work of the pastors there.  In preparation for the trip, our team adopted these verses from Colossians chapter 4 as our theme for the week.  We asked our partners to pray in this way.

And I would like to report that those prayers made a difference – a huge difference.  On day one of our visit, I was very nervous and uncomfortable.  I felt like I had been dropped into both a time warp and a foreign culture.  My presentations were uneven and choppy.  Even with a superb translator, the language barrier was foreboding.  I felt like I rarely connected with the folks I was visiting.  In short, I wasn’t sure that I was communicating exactly what I was trying to say.  The message only seemed to fall on hard soil and I was very discouraged.

By the next morning, something had profoundly changed.  I woke up to a new energy.  A spiritual wind blew.  Your prayers were answered.  It seemed as if it was no longer I sharing the message.  I felt more like a channel for God’s word to flow through.  I developed a better feel for how the translation process fit the presentation.  My translator and I were working in unison practically finishing each other’s sentences.  And people responded to the spoken word.  The soil became rich and abundant.

I believe that I was speaking “in the way I ought to speak, speaking forth the mystery of Christ” directly as a result of your prayers.  Today, the Holy Spirit is indeed “opening up to us a door for the word” as His message reaches hearts that are ready.  Stay devoted in prayer.  This experience has taught me to follow through when I say I am going to be praying for someone.  These verses have encouraged me to pray at random times of the day when a need or person comes to mind.

God has promised that our prayers make a difference.  Let us be devoted to prayer and believe it does the work it is prescribed to do.