The sequence in the following paragraph is meant to be read slowly. Think about each step and ask yourself, “Has this been my experience? Have I contributed to taking our marriage in this direction?”
Poor communication in marriage leads to a downward spiral of misunderstanding (hurts or offenses left unsettled), which lead to assumptions (private thoughts that are repeated in our minds), which leads to walls (practice in keeping each other at a distance in those tough subjects), which leads to quietness (no longer a desire to find joy in each other’s company), which leads to emotional separation (“I don’t really need you after all”).
How do we break this chain? By going through the hard conversations that improve our understanding of each other. Only then will we arrive at the beautiful place of oneness that we desire in our marriage. Demanding my point of view builds walls. Looking out for the benefit of my wife melts conflict. We don’t always have to win.
Are you a wall builder or wall destroyer in your marriage? A wall builder starts with a foundation of selfishness and adds bricks of complaining, nagging, lack of communication, a 2% focus, exhaustion, lack of physical touch, outside interests, boredom, and laziness. When the wall has been built, where will we go for love, romance, respect, sex, etc.? We will not look for it in each other and who can blame us? Wall destroyers, on the other hand, use the weapons of humility, respect, forgiveness, open communication, listening, service, physical love, affection, and romance to tear down Satan’s strongholds, destroy the walls that separate us, and energize our marriage. Are you a wall builder or a wall destroyer?